We got a Zetti’s Freshman over here! This bad boy is located by UB north on Maple…as the picture clearly states. Forgot to snap one this time around and the good lord internet provided. I’ve never been to Zetti’s, and I know next to nothing about what that UB life is even like, but a lot of you strapping young shoolboys and schoolgirls told me to get out here, so here I am. You’re in Slices 101 Zetti, and it’s time for the final. Let’s hope you weren’t smoking goofballs and getting all hyped up on goobers at one of those crazy fraternity ragers last night. You smell like skunk and Zima.

2/$8.67…no drink. I asked the guy if it came with a drink, because he referred to it at the “combo”, and he said “no”. What the hell kind of “combo” is that? Maybe it’s like a Mortal Kombat reference, where you get combo’d with an “$8.67” kick to the balls followed by a decapatating “no drink” uppercut. Toasty! Look, the slices are huge, but these things are razor thin. I digress. On to Round 2.

As you can see by the 2-plate presentation, this is a sizable NY style slice, and it looks pretty textbook. Good pepperoni coverage and nicely browned cheese. Let’s have a peek at the deets

I marveled at the impossibility of cooking a pizza so thin. The dough is no thicker than a piece of construction paper and you can see it go from flakey to slightly soft, bottom to top in the cross-section here. It’s an impressive feat. The chef, who I assume based off looks was also the UB Ultimate Frisbee team captain, assured me it was in fact NOT a world record. But he seemed like he had something to hide. Must have come from one of those secret “safety meetings” I hear they’re keen on. Better safe than sorry, boys. Thin dough, is what I guess I’m really trying to say here.

Nice toasty bottom and it’s got a great charcoalish flavor. That being said, this dough is too thin for my personal preference. At points, it was like eating pizza baked on a cracker. Similar to Gino’s dough, but better. It had some great dough-bubbles and the crust was better, having the perfect chew to it.

To date, Zetti’s has the least amount of cheese on their pizza of all the NY style places I’ve visited. By default I guess that means the least out of all the places I’ve been because “Buffalo” pizza is practically buried in it. Granted, much more than this would have been stupid because it would have overwhelmed the delicate dough. Still, I could have used a pinch more. Overall, the cheese was tasty and appropriate. Like a sloe gin fizz at the company party. Never wanna be the fastest car in the race.

I fucking hate the pepperoni on NY style pizza. There has got to be SOMETHING that can be done here. Molinaro’s put cup-and-char on their sudo-NY slice and the mob didn’t go shut down their shop. I get it’s traditional and these floppy little things are still good, but there is nothing special to them. They may as well have been sitting on the dash of your car in the sun and then laid atop the slice. It’s better that they’re there than not, and there are a lot of them which is great, but in principle I’m not in love with them.

Sauce is a hard category for the bonafide NY slice. It’s a miracle I even found a spot where any had collected. There just isn’t that much on these. What was there was fine. A nice light san marzano tomato sauce, but it didn’t stand out in a positive or negative light. Really kind of a lubricant between the cheese and dough layer in principle. Ok, pencils down. Let’s see which of you pimple-poppers will be back here next semester.

DoughšŸ„–: (B+) Slightly crackery, but nice bubble and very delicate.
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CheesešŸ§€: (B+) Some more needed to boost the grade, but good flavor and nice light char.
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SaucešŸ„«: (B-) There should have been a little more. Not much to notice.
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PepperonišŸ–: (B/B-) Can’t fight a standard of identity for a style, but I wish it wasn’t so.
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OverallšŸ•: (B)

Zetti’s is serving a slice that is a kindred spirit to the textbook NY pie. Ultra thin, sparse simple sauce, and cheese topped with floppy warm pepperoni. If you’re into the classic NY, this and Gino’s might be your best friends. I remain a Gino & Joe’s man for my NY slice. Even for the size, this is a light meal. It’s so thin, you could ball it up into something the size of a kiwi. Hell of a lot tastier than a kiwi too. A fruit all could enjoy. Side note, the Buffalo Chicken slice I posted to the Instagram was incredible. One of the better I’ve had. They have a wild amount of varieties, but I’m glad as hell I got the Buffalo Chicken. THOSE would keep me coming back for more. Thanks, Zetti’s! Party on, UB.