Some of you would throw me to the fucking wolves for this one, and maybe you have a point. However, I am a man of the people, and the chain pizzeria “litmus test” was requested. Your pizza prayers have been answered. /u/BuffNewsCommenter should have a field day with this one. I should note that I have nothing against chain anything form a personal standpoint. People vote with their dollar, and we don’t have a Domino’s downtown because corporate thought it would look pretty there. Admittedly, I haven’t eaten chain pizza for a while, but I distinctly remember some shitty ones from the past when I lived elsewhere (lookin at you, Marco’s). I am open. I am willing. I am able. My body is ready.
Ok, so right off the bat, I cocked it up. Domino’s doesn’t do slices, so I got a medium “hand-made” (my goodness) pan pizza because I figured that would give them their best shot. That’s all fine and dandy. However, I blew it and completely forgot to order cheese & pepperoni
It’s hard to admit this, but although I love cheese & pep, it is not my #1 when I’m ordering just for myself. I am an active member of the church of Ham & Banana Pepper (preach). The truth shall set you free. I slipped into my normal order mode for a whole pie and forgot to stick with cheese & pep. Therefore, in this review, I’ll rank the “toppings”, and the verbiage shall reflect that. What kind of freeky deeky shit are you guys into? I swear to god if one of you says pineapple…
I’ve never had one banana pepper better than the next, unless you count when you get one that was sliced off the very top of the pepper with some core still in it. Or you get one with the stem. Those are gross. The ham, however, provides some points to critique. Ham game was pretty weak. The slices themselves were good, but they were a little rubbery, and at an average of 2 per slice, they weren’t really around enough to have an effect. The deadbeat dad of toppings.
Chain pizza cheese is off-putting. If you look at shot one, or any of the others, they all do this thing where they sprout hundreds of these little browning “pimples” all over them. You never see this from any of the local pizza places. Browning is good, but this comes off in a way that makes me think about how much lab time went in to crafting a cheese that would have this effect time and time again across hundreds of restaurants. It didn’t taste terrible, but it wasn’t very melty and had a mealy consistency. Not a ton of flavor coming from it either. If you’ve ever eaten the cheese in a stuffed crust pizza, you’ll know what I mean. The familiar springy texture of cheese is there, but it really doesn’t have a distinct taste.
Also, just a word to the wise out there, this logo doesn’t mean shit. It was tucked into one of the folds on the pizza box, so obviously Domino’s isn’t too confident in displaying it prominently. I am NOT saying this is “fake” cheese, which really doesn’t exist in all honesty. All I’m saying is that this is a trademarked logo that is managed by a panel put in place by the dairy industry as a marketing ploy to add “authenticity” to dairy products in order to gain consumer trust. It’s a little like McDonalds “100% Beef” thing, if you want an interesting google search. Please don’t misinterpret this. I’m not shouting from a soapbox at “corporate America” or anything. I also have nothing against McDonalds. It’s just an intriguing point.
Annnnnnnyhow, Domino’s sauce sucks. This was the most I could find on the pizza for a half-decent photo. The flavor isn’t god-awful, but it’s pretty pasty, and there was quite literally next to none of it on the pie.
Domino’s dough was a shocker. I really really liked the dough. Look at that even browning all down that bad boy. You could rake a fork down it, and it has that sound. You know the sound. Oh yeah. That’s the ticket.
I may have made a mistake looking too closely. The dough has amazing flavor and is very garlicky, which I like. However…this thing is coated in oil. A buddy of mine used to work at Pizza Hut and said that the amount of oil they ladle into the pan before cooking was terrifying. Keeping that out of mind it was tasty, but you could see your reflection in it.
Another bonus point for Domino’s is their crust. I didn’t expect a chain to have any char on the crust, but maybe that’s what gives it that hand-made (oh momma) “authenticity”. It was a nice touch. Let’s do the math.
Dough🥖: (B+) Nice garlic flavor. Could feel my arteries plug.
Cheese🧀: (C/C+) Mealy, and lacking flavor.
Sauce🥫: (C) Not much of it, and pasty.
Pepperoni🍖: (C+) Should have had more ham. Thin and rubbery.
Domino’s was not the worst pizza I’ve had in Buffalo. As a matter of fact, for the price point I would certainly order it ahead of a handful of the other pizzerias I’ve eaten at. Chain pizza won’t kill you. Actually, I would be hard pressed to even call it “bad”. I’m sure it’s better than the worst local places in every city in America. It’s also insanely fast. My whole order took about 10 minutes from placing it to payment. That being said, there are about a dozen places all closer to my work/home that make a far better pie. In my opinion, there is almost no reason to order it in Buffalo when there are so many options that are sure to better suit your pizza desires. But it’s a free country, damnit, so who am I to tell you what to eat? Are you just gonna sit there and cry into your Papa John’s taco-pizza, or are you gonna do something about it?