Not exactly a storefront, but this is the best I’ve got to go on, dammit. You wanna talk about snapping creepy photos? Getting a shot of the “pizza display” inside Wegman’s on a lunch hour is about as weird as it gets. I went for one, but the rapid-fire shot didn’t work. I could feel the eyes of old men pierce my body with confusion and disdain. I don’t blame you. You didn’t fight the War for young men to document pizzerias for strangers on social media. Then again, maybe you did…let’s keep it simple. Highly voted by you all, which admittedly has me curious: Wegman’s. 2/$6.50 which is…a lot.

I love this place on lunch. Danny’s Favorite sub is up there for one of my death row meals. I can recite my order in my sleep. I am so in love with that sub, that I’ve never actually considered getting anything else. It’s like The Temptation of St. Anthony up in that piece. Crazy Chinese food like a siren song beckoning you toward the rocks. Home-style favorites like meatloaf wafting you in. A baller-ass spread with cheeses I’ve never even seen before. All of which costs 3x as much as a whole rotisserie chicken, which I would caveman in my care with great shame in a heartbeat. This time I’m falling off the path to Danny for the first time in search of slices. Wegman’s has both a “Sicilian” style, which I’ve historically thought are fucked, and the “NY”. They will be henceforth referred to as such. Yeah I got sausage on the Sicilian. Come at me.

The Sicilian dough, which of course makes it “Sicilian”, is my biggest gripe with the style. This, however, was slightly better than most. This edge was exposed to the elements for a while and it crisped up under the warming light, which as nasty as that sounds actually gave it a crunch which I was about. Also, the rest of the dough was not a chewy/goopy mess, but actually shares the same bubbly consistency as you can see here. Still, it is fluffy and I don’t love it.

Thin classic NY. I don’t want to blow in the rest of the review for you, but this is pretty much the highlight of the slice. It’s a nice NY style, very thin, with a deflated bubble toward the top; a big pizza fetish of mine.

This is also big for me. Flour and/or cornmeal on the bottom adds a subtle element of texture and flavor that I am crazy about. I don’t know why more places don’t do this? Is anyone seriously opposed to it? Can we make this a thing? How expensive can it be? Is cornmeal traded for bitcoin on the dark net or something?

The cheese on the Sicilian is gross. I’m sure it’s the same stuff as the NY, but this wasn’t hit enough with the heat. You can still see the individual shreds of cheese that haven’t melded together. This is a classic element of the rare and memorable pizzas of your past, known colloquially as the “cafeteria” style. Rough.

Improvement here, but in the words of my grandfather, “improvement on fuck-all is still fuck-all”. I’m paraphrasing, of course, but that’s the long and short of it. The browning is nice, but both these slices were very cold and they were not heating them up on the spot, which is bad form. There also was not a lot of it on the slice. we’re hovering toward the “OK” mark here, but not gonna hit it.

Wegman’s sauce is…tangy? It tastes like canned sauce that is more like pure tomato paste. For a Sicilian style, they had the right amount on, but this is one of the poorer sauces I’ve had.

This is almost all the sauce that was on the NY slice, and it happens to have all collected in a singular area. It’s the same sauce. There is just a lot less of it here. It is still…tangy?

I can’t not say it…this pepperoni reminds me of old nasty foreskin. I can’t not think about it when I see this. The pepperoni are not terrible. Absolutely not great. Very dry and not a lot of flavor…but all I can think about is, well, foreskin. Not that I’ve had any personal experience in that area. If anybody wants to Freud me on that, take your best shot. Wait until we hit my teenage years. THIS IS JUST HOW I AM, MOM!

 

Dough “S”🥖: (B-) I guess the crust was a little dry…? Near perfection.

Dough “NY”🥖: (B/B+) I guess the crust was a little dry…? Near perfection.
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Cheese “S”🧀: (D-) Hurt in the rewarming process, but thats pretty normal.

Cheese “NY”🧀: (C/C+) Hurt in the rewarming process, but thats pretty normal.
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Sauce “S”🥫: (D/D+) Dried out. Needed about a teaspoon more/slice. Still flavorful.

Sauce “NY”🥫: (D) Dried out. Needed about a teaspoon more/slice. Still flavorful.
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Pepperoni BOTH🍖: (C)
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Overall “S”🍕: (C-)

Overall “NY”🍕: (C/C+)

Overall BOTH🍕: (C)

I really didn’t enjoy Wegman’s pizza. Their “display” is insanely tempting visually, but don’t do it, man. Stay the course. Get your sub and get out. Big up’s to Wegman’s, though. Danny can take this blow. Like all WNYers I love me some Wegman’s in nearly every other aspect. When it comes to the pizza, though…there is probably a joint around the corner doing it better for a lot cheaper. Thanks, Wegman’s. You know I love you, boo…but sometimes I gotta put you in place.